Candy Darling Page 8
Female—Heterosexual—type—
Basic Butch—the drag type with femme overtones.
Raq. W. / J. Craw. / Jane Russell
Basic femme—Butch overtones Greta Garbo
Basic femme—femme overtones M.M.—L.T.
Relax you’ll tear my dress.
So what I paid for it.
Why does everyone dislike you so much? Because they’re all a bunch of phoneys. Even if they are all a bunch of the phoniest bastards in the world why do they all not like you? Whether they are or not, to strike fear in people is not a good thing to do and you will one day be sorry you ever did this. To argue a point with you is useless, you never give in and I know you feel this is your forte. Remember, you may win the argument and get the better of someone, but you lose a friend and create a feeling of bitter resentment.
If you’re so goddamned smart, did you know that your good friend that blonde German made 13 television shows over in Germany and I’m in practically every one of them. And Flesh is the biggest movie going over there and they (the Germans) asked for the stars to come over and Paul took Joe, Geraldine, and Jane Forth on a tour with Flesh. Jane didn’t have to go. Why should Jane go? Paul doesn’t even like her, he calls her that dumb thing, misery and Baby Biafra. But she’s so cooperative and does whatever they tell her. Why didn’t you get in touch with Bert? Now they’re going to promote Holly. Can you believe that? They’re sending Holly to all the photographers. She went to this big party with George Plimpton and Tammy Grimes. She’s in the Times and I’m the forgotten woman. George asked why I wasn’t being taken to Europe and Paul said “too much trouble, too too much trouble. Sandy’ll be up here and she’ll want to go and then they’ll be another fight. She has bad vibrations.” Don’t ever think you’re going to work for Tom Ward Agency because you never will. That’s when you started treating me like a piece of shit. You thought you were going to have a big important job.
Sunday August 29, 1971
Love is not for you yet. Work, be real, follow your intuition, spend time alone to learn truth. Be wise. The only real thing is to be alone and do your work. Be very careful about every move you make. The future depends on the present. Read this over every morning and add to it when you want. I must honestly say that I believe I am here for a life of suffering, sorrow, and longing and not to have it relieved until my death. Always have 5 dimes. And every telephone number. My heart is broken. I don’t believe he wants my love, that’s what I want, that’s what I need. That’s what I long for. That’s what I’ve never had and am afraid will not get. Will my life just be a torture test of endurance? To not be able to have what you love is the most bitter pill to swallow. But I hear that if you can learn to love God he will always be with you and you will not need human love.
Human love, that’s a good title for a picture. Whatever I get I can dedicate my life to beauty, love, and goodness. If God will give me my love, I will promise to always follow his guidance. Maybe Richard does love me. Maybe he thinks I don’t love him because I didn’t go to the movie with him and Paul Ambrose last night. I will try again. After all, he’s sensitive too. He kissed me on the back of my neck. He sang in my ear. He said something to the effect of falling in love at the party. It’s my consciousness that needs to be raised. Yet still I believe it cannot be. Am I in hell?
Monday, August 30, same time
I feel much better. Tonight I must pray for Chuck’s love to come to him.
I don’t mind that little smile around a person’s face when they talk about me.
Look for meaning.
Sermonette
I was always and still am to many who knew me, family, school mates, friends, an inferior (inadequate) person. In a second-class position. This is not to say that I was unable to draw affection, and even respect, but the affection was mingled with sympathy. The respect was given me because of my aloofness.
I feel like I’m living in a prison. There are so many things I may not experience. I cannot go swimming, can’t visit relatives, can’t go out without makeup, can’t wear certain clothes, can’t have a boy friend, can’t get a job. I see so much of life I can not have. I am living in a veritable prison.
It took place here in the house. Tryon was here spouting words of wisdom. I had been married to Elvis Presley. Larry S. was here, and Owen. Lightning was near. I came into the kitchen & saw Tryon taking money out of my mother’s drawer. I asked him what he was doing and he said it was a magic trick. Lightning struck the house. I ran into the bedroom. When I came out, Owen & Tryon were gone. I put on a black hat like Robin Hood and pancake makeup and followed him in the storm. He took a lot of money & left only a $10 bill.
Roux ¼ oz 18 - ¼ - 42 ½
peroxide
rapid hair lightener
Permanent color
5–50% grey select exact color and leave on
25 minutes to match natural color
To brighten natural color select 1–2 shades lighter and leave on 25 min. only.
For maximum brightness—
select desired shade & leave on 45 minutes. The lighter the color used the greater the lightening action.
For more than 50% leave color on 45 minutes.
For more than 50% for lightening & brightening grey select 1 to 2 shades lighter
Leave hair around 6
Virgin head leave fine hairs and ends until job is completed … leave 25 minutes keep it wet.
French Fluff 1 oz., oil bleach. 3 oz. peroxide, 3 oz. shampoo
Glamour bath. 1 oz. tint, 3 oz. peroxide, 3 oz. shampoo
Last night I saw a fabulous movie with Ginger Rogers, Doris Day (ugh!) Ronald Reagan, & Steve Conchran. It was called Storm Warning and they whipped Ginger Rogers. Yeah! She was a witness to a murder by the Klu Klux Klan and Doris Day’s husband Steve Conchran found out what she knew so he called the other members & they took Ginger to a big rally and two men held her and another whipped her. HA HA HA. Serves the dirty wench right. Then Ginger’s sister Doris Day arrived with Ronald Reagan (the district attorney) and the dope thought she was going to stop all these thousands of Klu Klux Klan members. (The bleach must be going to her brain.) Anyway she got shot right in the gut by her own husband, that’s what made it so fabulous.
79 First Ave.
Massapequa Pk.
New York 11762
Dear Werner …
I just finished watching The Damned and it reminded me to write to you. It is right that I do not write to you in so long. You probably do not want to hear from me anyway. Paul Morrissey told me when he met you in Munich he got the impression you were not very pleased by my performance. I was sorry to hear this. I do not know why people use me at such great expense. I don’t think I’m as good on film as on stage. I am like Candy Bergen. The two Candys are just alike.
anyway he is a troublemaker
I dreamed that some woman, a youngish looking woman, Lee Grant, was driving me to a hospital. There I saw Ron Glick, who had become rather deranged but was still attractive. The woman turned out to be his mother. He didn’t recognize me immediately. I said “Remember me? Candy Darling from Andy Warhol’s factory.” He put his arms around me and was laughing, when his mother was leaving he asked me to stay. I did. We realized that we loved each other. He begged me not to leave; I said I never would.
Dear Mrs. Vreeland,
I understand from Sam Green that you are interested in movie stars of the 1940s. Since I have spent the majority of my waking time watching old films on television, Mr. Green feels I should be by now an expert. I have divided these players into 5 categories.
Leading Ladies, Sultry Sirens, Ingenues
LL
Mary Astor - matronly, aristocratic
SS
Evelyn Ankers - A lead in B horror films
Jean Arthur - big star, comedienne & actress of the highest caliber
June Allyson
Lucille Ball - comedienne, actress
Lynn Bari - snobby, suitable for othe
r women
Viviane Blaine - musical comedy
Joan Bennett - supreme actress & beauty
Joan Blondell
Ingrid Bergman - serious type
Talullah Bankhead - a true great
Joan Caulfield - big-boned blonde
Jean Crain - young, delicate, & sweet, very beautiful
Claudette Colbert
Joan Crawford
Bette Davis
Linda Darnell - dark beauty
Olivia de Havilland
Yvonne de Carlo
Marlene Dietrich
Joan Fontaine
Alice Fay
Jane Frizee
Greta Garbo
Judy Garland
Greer Garson - heroic
Paulette Goddard - spunky
Betty Grable
Rita Hayworth
Betty Hutton
Ruth Hussey
Katherine Hepburn
Susan Hayward
June Haver
Jennifer Jones - glamorous in white fox
Adele Jergens
Hedy La Marr
Carole Landis
Ida Lupino
Veronica Lake
Marie McDonald
Maria Montez
Marian Martin
Mary Martin
D. McGuire
Character Actors
Natalie Schafer
Donald Duck
Jane Darwell
Mickey Mouse
Cecil Kellaway
Charles Coburn
Walter Brennan
Judith Anderson
Charles Laughton
Charlotte Greenwood
Clifton Webb
Ethel Barrymore
Edward G. Robinson
Spring Byington
Billie Burke
Butterfly McQueen
Monty Wooley
Hattie McDonalds
Juvenile Stars
Roddy McDowell
*Natalie Wood
*Elizabeth Taylor
*Jane Powell
Shirley Temple
*Jennifer Jones
*Margaret O’Brien
(special award oscar)
*Mickey Rooney?
*Judy Garland
Deanna Durbin
Skip Homier
Dwayne Hickman
*Peggy Ann Garner
also discovered in late 40’s
Arlene Dahl - Tony Curtis
Ava Gardner - Janet Leigh
Shelley Winters - Debbie Reynolds
English Imports
Vivien Leigh, Laurence Olivier
Jean Simmons, James Mason
Deborah Kerr, Merle Oberon
Greer Garson, Stewart Granger
Bob Hope, Lily Palmer
People you love to hate
Strange Ones & specialists
Vincent Price - Boris Karloff - John
Carradine
Bela Lugosi, Sydney Greenstreet,
Gale Sondergard, Peter Lorre
Mae West, Sonja Henie
Mercedes McCambridge
Gene Autry, Roy Rogers & Dale Evans
Lon Chaney, William Boyd (Hop)
For Vogue
Whenever I get tired of getting made up and I feel blah and wearing dark glasses and just withdrawing in general, I do just that, I take a day and do whatever I want. Read, go to a movie, rest, watch T.V., and eat. Go to the A&P and buy everything, come home and eat it. Visit a friend, go shopping, in general get “revitalized.”
No romance in my life, so I feel it is best that he does not call. Even though I long to be loved by a man, I know it cannot be. I must live without love. It is the cross I must bear. I must accept what is.
I think I see a place where I could use a silicone injection above the upper lip and near the nose.
The Greta Garbo Home for Wayward Girls
I’ll be waiting in the other room, you’ll recognize me. Just look for the blonde on the divan. I’ll be wearing a warm heart in my left lapel.
You are what you Eat Salad
1 head lettuce (iceburg or romaine)
2 sliced tomatoes
anchovies
½ cup walnuts
separate 3 egg whites
use yolks
whip yolks
2 T olive oil
whip
½ t dry mustard
½ oregano
wee bit of lemon - now work it
add a flurry of salt
Tonight I met a boy who wants to be my slave. He calls me goddess. Kathy, I don’t think you can understand these things. You are so simple and I so jaded—not really worldly, let’s say.
You will be surprised to know that Jane Fonda’s husband Roger Vadim, who was married to Brigitte Bardot, is in love with me. I was out with him last night. He told me he loved me so much that he would fight a war for me. I gave him a silver ring with a turquoise. He kisses me and holds me in public because he is truly innocent and cares not what people think. I always feel I have to protect him. We have not been to bed together.
Last night was the last night of my two week play and at the end I changed it around. I played a woman who invited her ex-family over for a reunion. It was called “The Reunion.” Her family did not like her because she is mad. I felt the play lacked sufficient drama and did not allow me to show everyone what I am capable of doing, so because it was the last night and because Vadim was there, I changed the ending. I went into a long monologue, laughing, screaming, and crying. When the writer (who is also the director and also works the lights) saw this, he turned out the lights but I kept on, even on a black stage! Actually it wasn’t even a stage, it was the back room of a bar on East 3rd St. called the Old Reliable. After the show everyone was coming over to meet Vadim. I didn’t know how to act, because when average people meet someone who is famous they think that they can turn over their problems. Even the owner of the bar was telling Vadim of his problems, how he’d like to have a bigger place, etc. But Vadim has this quality of being like a savior. And I know I have a look of refinement and nobility which is sometimes thought of as being angelic and ethereal. Perhaps people think my touch will heal them. Why must I be deified? It is such a burden. I don’t know what else to say, I better end this letter. Be sure never to throw my letters away but put them in a safe place as someday they are sure to be worth money, and it will be your good fortune to be prudent now. Besides, I may wish to look them over myself someday when I write my memoirs. When will your telephone work? Would you like me to visit sometime? I would love to come with my manager, Sandy, or a boy friend. Yes, in spite of all the places I’ve been I’m still not able to take care of myself. Write to me soon, I’m sorry for the delay.
Love
Candy
Dear Kathy,
Please tell me why you haven’t written to me by now. I mailed you a letter some time ago and it is not like you not to write. Didn’t you get my letter? I would be absolutely sick over it, so don’t lie. I wrote all about my affair with Roger Vadim, Jane Fonda’s husband. I will die if you didn’t get that letter. I was in Vogue March 1 and March 16.
What do you mean I’m not alluring enough, maybe my name isn’t Tondelaya but I’ve brushed off more men than the porter at the Waldorf.
There are people that wanna be that can’t be so they put something on so they can.
I already know a lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn’t possibly know anyone else.
Everyone needs some portion of Leadership. Look for opportunities to be of service. Set definite goals—plan purpose and strive to be the best thing you can be
weigh the consequences
Conscientious leadership spreads divine light and love. Be patient—wait for the right time. Temptation to quit and take it easy.