Candy Darling Read online

  amber blonde

  bottom lashes

  Max Factor lip gloss

  glows

  glows

  Aw Rite

  Right now I’m on the Long Island R.R. on my way home. It is 5:15 a.m. Saturday, Jan. 17.

  To Bill King

  I’d go in a burning building for you. If you fell overboard I’d jump in.

  1/19/70 Mon.

  Be good, good, good, better, better, best, best, best you can be. Real, real, very real.

  goodness sweetness simplicity all the things you are.

  Zachary Scott and Sydney Greenstreet join Joan down the road of mystery murder & men.

  Anna-Fanny-Nanna-Ann-Zanobia-Zanubia-Lenore-Delita-Empress-Abdulla Miranda Mirandelle-Chicquita

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  I never had anything that made me this sick before Manhattans.

  1—a beautiful big house in Long Island and one in California.

  2—learn languages & sew

  3—Cabin on Lake Winnepesaukee

  Rug for my room—color T.V. fall—new clothes white backless shoes, hormone treatment electrolysis. dog—fur coat—car—new house

  My goal is to be a beautiful woman, rich and married by 1971.

  Sun., January 25, 1970

  I used 1 oz. hair lightener 1 oz. Winterheat ½ oz. crm.

  Dear Pat,

  This is awful stationery to write on I know but I feel I better write when I’m in a writing mood. Thank you for your cards and letters. I’ve been abominable about keeping in touch.

  I was very displeased about that picture of myself in Nova. It’s a horror. Partly the makeup man’s fault. Anyway I am also in the December Esquire p. 88 and the January Photoplay p. 5 and the Feb. Photoplay but no picture in that one.

  I hope you and Julian enjoyed your cruise. I was in Toronto, Canada, for the opening of a theatre.

  In your last letter you asked about Barbara Kravitsky. I received a phone call from her. She is living with her husband “Teddy” now in New Orleans. She is coming up to New York soon and said she will take me back with her for a little visit. Everyone’s married and I plan to also. Yes Pat I have decided to be sex changed. I am too female to be half & half. There is a very good book on the subject written by Dr. Harry Benjamin “The Transsexual Phenomenon.” I think you should read it Pat it would be fascinating to you both. Let me know what you think of this step I want to take.

  You asked me about writing to Valerie Solanis. I think you should. I know she did a terrible thing but she has paid or is paying for it and she needs a friend. It is very thoughtful and kind of you and you should do it.

  He comes home and she pretends she was just going out or just came in.

  Oh boy can you tell me where my Johnny has gone

  Is he huntin’, Is he fishin’, Is he swimmin’

  Say lady can you tell me where my Johnny has gone

  Is he gamblin’, Is he drinkin’ with da wommin’.

  Oh Johnny Oh Johnny

  Your lady grows cold

  Her kisses she’s waitin’ ta give ya

  Oh Johnny Oh Johnny

  Your lady grows old

  Oh Johnny Oh Johnny dear is dat you

  Well how are you where were you not dat I care.

  The only thing to do is make a remake of Myra.

  Imitations of Barbra Streisand living in cheap flea bag hotel!

  Do you think I like eat in bean soup and peanut butter for strength and protein instead of steak well I don’t like it. Do you think I like this mop of goldish red hair instead of the darkest ash blonde with tan pearl streaks?Well I don’t like it and I don’t like wet cakes and day old bread either and I’m tired of going to beauty culture school for a permanent. I’m just tired Frank.

  Take your head out of the washing machine mother or you may get a sock in the puss. Talk about inflation Do you know pumpernickle is now pumperdime? What a band The only time they finish together is when they’re eating.

  If you’re driving, watch out for children, they’re lousy drivers.

  Myra watching Television in crummy room. Brigitte Bardot picture close ups of Bardot and close ups of Myra looking envious. Next scene Myra goes out to dept store done up as Bardot walks over to counter and asks man for sex? Before leaving store buys dynel fall doesn’t have it put in bag just puts it right on. Should be done in Macy’s.

  Then imitating Barbra Streisand.

  With high heeled boots, she whips the furniture with a belt.

  While she’s cooking, she’s yelling I gotta get that bastard’s money.

  I gotta get money—

  CUT

  next scene—colored boy or girl friend named Platinum—She half runs half walks across the room and hits him with her coat screaming Shut Up.

  for Rona Jaffe

  You better act right cause I’m gonna be in around here and I play favorites Now sit in the corner and see if you can keep your bee-stung mouth shut. Ya little chatterbox two face—

  She starts up

  Take your nose job and get out. She leaves furious

  MYRA I’m only kidding darling come back Rona.

  Myra is beating eggs for Rusty faster & faster as she looks at his crotch.

  Candy Darling is the worst woman in world as MYRA

  Oh you Beautiful Doll

  A SLOB

  available for filthying, dirtying, messing & lousing.

  I want to be good just to be good.

  When I went to the beauty shop Cinandre the other day I went into the room to change into a smock and forgot which side to wrap it to.

  Dear Kathy,

  Please tell me why you haven’t written to me by now. I mailed you a letter some time ago and it is not like you not to write. Did you not get my letter? I would be absolutely sick over it so don’t lie. I wrote all about my affair with Roger Vadim Jane Fonda’s husband. I will die if you didn’t get that letter. I was in Vogue March 1 and March 16.

  How about my rehearsal

  money?

  I can’t wait

  till it’s

  released.

  70 pay

  -15

  ——

  55

  -20 electro

  ——

  35 DR. RICH

  Mark Hicks 362-6818

  where were you

  him—out. her out where—him look just leave me alone—she slaps him they fight! he beats her she runs into bedroom falls on bed crying. After she’s all cried out she very composed gets up slowly very dignified and walks calmly out of the room.

  Today I met Tonight I met Laurie—transexual. She goes to Dr. Rich. He gave her the famous silicone bust which she claims is much softer than the implants but I forgot to ask her whether she was talking about the fat tissue implants which is done in Germany. She said she has a job as a barmaid but didn’t say where. She said she makes $250.—a week. Also she said she is having the operation in 6 mos. Tiffany was there too who I thinks is really gorgeous. I still can not decide about the nose job. The sex change and everything else yes yes yes.

  If I am going to be a woman I want the whole thing a home in the suberbs, a husband and strange as it may sound children.

  I have just spoken to Taffy. She called me. I told her that I saw Anita Ekberg on television in a movie called “Screaming Mimi.” I told her how beautiful and alluring Miss Ekburg was and perhaps that is what we want to be. Taffy said that she is in analysis and no longer thinks she is a woman and perhaps she should be a man. Bob (her lover) has already said he would accept her that way. She said it may take 3 years but it is better than what she has this way. She said the reason we are the way we are is that w
e did not have suitable male identities while we were growing up. And just because we did not have suitable identities is no reason for us to think we are women. Perhaps she is right. She says it is $30.—per visit and it would help. Maybe God is speaking to me through Taffy. I am going to go to the premier of Barbarella tonight. It will probably be just a meaningless bore. I hope if it is I can visit Carlos and get him to get me that coat!

  I also spoke to Ron Link today (I called him) and he said to forget the play that it was not enough time.

  I am right now on the train on my way to N.Y. to the premier of Barbarella. I will get to N.Y. Penn. Sta. in just enough time to take the subway downtown to the Garrick Theatre on Bleecker St. just in time for the end. Well may be there’ll be a party afterward. My upper lip is all bumpy I hope no one notices it. I feel I am rather through with men. Love of God will replace love of men and actually I don’t feel I need a man. I don’t hate them or anything. I see men and sometimes I feel if I were to have a man I would like one like that. But I have no longings or crushes or anything. And yet maybe I’m always hoping.

  Candy by Candy

  I want a taste of life.

  My own little taste was on being mediocre unimportant and unsuccessful.

  Learn to Sing

  Let Someone in with deep love to give

  When depressed—

  Make yourself as pretty as possible.

  1. Get hair done. No money? Do it yourself.—

  Do whatever you feel given to do.

  Clean:

  visit Seymour

  Wed.—got to see Andy Wed. night after getting the dress. if I can’t get the dress until Wed. I’ll go on Thurs. Go to doctor on Wed.

  I want to get a suntan tomorrow invite Cherly over—go shopping.

  Dec.

  I just finished doing my hair. I bleached it this morning (again I didn’t leave it on long enough and I used balsam and Roux white minx rinse. I’m going to let it dry partly and reapply it. Yesterday in the mail I received a letter and wind up toy from Kathy.

  I think music can elevate the human spirit.

  You’re always apt to being the target of someone’s bad joke. Or known to be unacceptable. Like you know you’re never going to meet someone’s mother.

  help me to be less lonely.

  Maureen O’Hara The Foxes of Harrow

  He doesn’t want to use her money. It didn’t bother Jimmy to use my money. To sponge off me./who / In this movie Ernie Borgnine doesn’t want to use Ann Baxter’s $. It didn’t bother Jimmy.

  There exists a whole sub culture of people that are movie star oriented. There are many women who try to look like Elizabeth Taylor, Kim Novak, Veronica Lake, Jackie O.

  Cocteau—The Telephone

  Topper

  Steven wake up. / Oh lovely let me sleep / Don’t you want to see Mr. Garbage he’s gorgeous. Hurry up Steven he looks like a young Burt Lancaster. There’s something about a working man. Oh Steven he has muscles. / Are they looking up and whistling. /They saw me one told the other and then the other. / Are they carrying on and saying who’s that gorgeous blonde? / They wouldn’t waste their time on me. They know I’m not garbage.

  You shouldn’t look so disapproving Lavinia. It makes you look older and age will come soon enough to destroy that pretty face. A thing of beauty cannot remain so forever.

  I was not always as you see me now there were kinder sweeter happier times.

  I don’t mind that little smile around a persons face when they talk about me.

  Look for meaning.

  Sermonette

  MY 1 YEAR PLAN

  It matters not what men see. For they see but what is put in front of them.

  I’m a thousnd different people—Every one is real.

  The Moments

  Love On a Two

  Way Street

  Mother,

  Will you wake me up

  before you leave?

  I need time. I’ve got to figure out what I am.

  Candy Darling Candy Darling Candy Darling

  the manner in which you answer the question and not the specific answer

  Broad road to destruction.

  Do not allow the mind to be affected by the world.

  Human nature motivated by sin.

  Opposition to God is bound to be punished

  Following Godly will cost you

  1. Repent 2. have faith 3. Obey

  minimum—maximum

  annihilate the fables of mortals whose flimsy and gaudy pretensions, like silly moths, singe their own wings and fall into the dust.

  Necromancy—motive what is the motive. The motive of the crime will be displayed in the court.

  Jean Cocteau by Patricia Knapp

  The Ego has Two Heads

  Dear Donald,

  I regret to inform you that I have unwittingly been prodded into writing a paper to the benefit of your wife that she may benefit further from your pending divorce.

  Please realize that I regret having done so most heartily. The paper that is written I am sure will have no credulance without my testimony which I do not intend to willingly give. If impelled to testify I can do no less than tell the truth which I am certain would damage Mrs. (Sandy) Amerling’s case immeasurably. I do not quite appreciate the law which impels a man to be locked out of his own apartment which he has occupied and furnished before his wife.

  Dear Niel,

  It was so nice to hear from you. I’m glad to see you are doing well. Everyone from Mervyn’s class is doing well. That’s because they are all so good (not as actors, as souls.) Dana I know is in Japan giving the oriental populace a few thrills. Perhaps right now some suave Japanese man is showing Dana his junk. Some actors are so desperate to reach their goal that they never make it. I mean they reach their goal in the acting profession but never make it as people.

  Tell Maria I said hello. Has anyone else over there even heard of me? By the way I am in Jan. & Feb. Photoplay, Dec. Esquire Dec. Nova, and the March issue of Vogue! I know I’m destined for stardom because when I walk along the street I sometimes see people staring at me and pointing. And the other day I overheard one woman saying to some man “I know where she belongs!” Also while uptown on a bus I had a tremendous black velvet slouch hat on, a trench coat, (knotted around the waist), and large dark glasses with aurora borealis trim, and when I put the two dimes in the machine the bus driver called me back and said “It’s thirty cents Greta.” Around the village I’m affectionately known as “the actress.” My friends have many pet names for me like Marlene D-Train to Queens, Mamie Van Doorway or Diana Doorways. Instead of Audrey Hepburn Tawdry Heartburn Tana Lerner. All these things combined (last week I went to IFA and was so glamorous that I overheard a man in the outer room gasp out loud. Also the receptionist told the agent I was trying to see that “this one must be seen to be believed.”

  This I hope will amuse George.

  I’ll never forget the night Sandy, George and I came home from the Sanctuary. When I asked her if I could stay over with George she said she didn’t know where we would all sleep as Gil Gerard was staying over. What can I say? I was stunned. Gil was one of the most gorgeous studs on the set. I mean real A-l top quality grade A male flesh. I hoped to God he wasn’t sleeping in the bed but on the sofa. My highest hope was that perhaps since we were coming in so late he would make an excuse to leave early and get dressed and get out. But my hopes were not realized. When we arrived at the apartment somewhere around 6 a.m. Sandy rang the bell cursing him and saying she hoped he hadn’t left with the key. I said a silent prayer of thanks. However there was no reason to be thankful. Gil opened the door in nothing but his undershorts displaying a marvelous set of biceps, a deep rippled chest and muscular thick legs covered with a golden brown down. What a majestic sight! What a lump in the throat I got when walking into the apartment I discovered much to my dismay that gorgeous Gil had been sleeping in the spiders web and would probably continue (after he plunged into Sandy for a wh
ile) I felt. It was useless to hope for Gil and Sandy to just fall off to the land of Nod like a couple of tired children and it was useless. All I could concentrate on for the rest of the morning was the grunting and groaning and the sounds of the bed creaking. Gil left around 9 a.m. I was still too stunned to sleep, being persecuted to capacity. As Mr. Right was going out the door he saw I was not asleep and said goodbye. His face seemed to be saying to me it’s really you I love mentally it was all you. But then I am not mentally well.

  Mrs. Julian MRS.

  work work

  work work

  work work

  work

  I think I will become a nurse and help humanity and just go on like that never giving a care for myself and become an old maid.

  I am a star because I have always felt so alienated and I project this feeling to others.

  I a mutant

  A woman without a man is a slave without a master.

  Mr. Mrs. Julian Douglas

  Mrs. Julian D

  I, Minette

  make friends &

  influence people

  influence friends &

  make people

  leaping to conclusions—what else is there to leap at except men. One keeps me in condition for another.

  I know it hasn’t all been beer & pretzels for you either.

  Lilli Lilli Lilli

  personal considerations sunburned pseudo virile types they get a girl all confused then leave her that way

  I have always been the goddess above it all untouchable. I explain my influence over men as simply this. I represent to many men a goddess who is untouchable and yet a goddess who needs him to make her happy. I was born to be a queen and every time I come down from the thrown I am humiliated for it and suffer many indignities.—

  The Movie Game

  Prize

  P.O. Box 701

  Hollywood, Cal. 90028

  Candy Darling Candy Darling

  Candy Darling

  Kim Novak Candy Darling

  Kim Novak

  Candy Darling

  Candy Darling Candy Darling

  Money doesn’t

  Money doesn’t buy everything but it does buy some nice goodies—

  He’s a very handsome man.

  I wouldn’t have anything but.

  Welcome to the Ponderosa

  No, it’s the White House but the president is out demonstrating.

  Yes it is up to me. That’s kind of nice to say. It’s up to me.