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  Candy Darling

  Memoirs of an Andy Warhol Superstar

  Candy Darling

  for Sam Green

  Contents

  Introduction by James Rasin

  CANDY DARLING

  Introduction

  Editor’s Note

  Candy Darling

  MY FACE FOR THE WORLD TO SEE

  Candy Says

  Foreword

  Introduction

  Candy Remembered

  Editor’s Note

  About the Authors

  Introduction

  Candy Darling entered this world on November 24, 1944. By all appearances she was a baby boy and was thus assigned the gender male. Candy’s parents named her James Slattery. She grew up known by all as Jimmy. But Candy felt she was different. She came to realize that things didn’t exactly line up, didn’t quite configure.

  Candy was given a short lifetime to figure out who she was. It was an epic struggle. In her time, there were very few precedents, and even fewer role models for transgendered people. Her journey toward self-realization was largely a solitary one: Confronting society’s judgments and her own doubts with very little historical perspective, she was on her own. There was little to no empathy for how she felt, and even less understanding for who she was. (Christine Jorgensen, one of the first people to have sex-reassignment surgery, moved near Candy’s Long Island hometown of Massapequa Park in 1959; a shy but transfixed young Jimmy used to stand in front of Jorgensen’s house for hours). Growing up, there wasn’t even a name for Candy’s gender. The term transgender didn’t exist until 1965 and didn’t begin to find common acceptance for a decade or more after Candy’s premature death in 1974, at the age of twenty-nine.

  The depth and intensity of Candy’s struggle, both with herself and with society at large, was not something she chose to share with the world. Candy styled herself after the stars of Hollywood’s golden age, actors who benefited from the legions of image experts employed by the wealthy and powerful studio system. Oftentimes those stars paid a high price for the bewildering gap between their own reality and the fantastical image constructed for the ticket-buying public.

  Candy did not have the benefit of a Hollywood budget; she had to craft a glamorous, enigmatic image on her own … and she had to live it, day in and day out. Loneliness, rejection, and self-doubt were not qualities that fit into that public persona. Loneliness, rejection, and self-doubt are not glamorous. They are not what the public expects from an elegant star leading the dream life, never allowed to seep through the glossy surface of a perfectly lit photograph. Candy wasn’t going to let any of those qualities pierce her painstakingly constructed image either. Makeup, hairstyle, and clothing were more than just a costume; they formed a gorgeous, meticulously crafted suit of armor, designed to protect, impress, beguile, attract, and intimidate.

  It is only in Candy’s diaries, going all the way back to her early teen years, that we start to understand some of what she privately felt and thought. In those pages she comes across as the brave, joyful, funny person that she was, but also, even as an adult, as the little child Jimmy trying to understand the transformation into … whom? How did this happen? Who else is like this? How do I deal with this?

  In spite of her confusion, Candy moved forward. She was courageous and forceful. She was who she was, the whole package, and she couldn’t be anyone else. Without intending it, without any agenda other than trying to find herself and her own happiness, she was a pioneer.

  She went to New York City and found a world that was more tolerant and open-minded than suburban Long Island—but only marginally so. Yes, the city gave her an artistic community in which she could flourish, but her aspirations as an artist were still limited by ignorance and prejudice: “You’ve got to check out this chick Candy Darling! She is gorgeous, but guess what? She’s really a man!” That was the kind of thinking she had to overcome or subvert. Even in New York City she was often seen, and exploited, more as an oddity than as an artist.

  Perhaps it was all too much to expect anyone in those days to fully understand or accept. Ignored, oppressed, unrecognized, and conveniently “invisible” for generations, transgendered people were just too far outside the mainstream for even the most open-minded of people. A man could still be arrested for walking down a New York City street dressed in women’s clothing. Again, there wasn’t yet a word for Candy Darling’s gender.

  But there was always a word for what Candy was, then and now: human. These diaries give us a glimpse into Candy Darling, human soul. Where did the “real” Candy Darling start and the carefully constructed public persona of Candy Darling end? Was there a difference? Candy was a complex, frequently self-contradictory person. She was even a mystery to herself in many ways. Her gender and sexuality made her life desperately complicated, and she paid a heavy price for other people’s fear and ignorance. But she did not define herself solely by her gender or her sexuality. She longed to be seen, respected, and most of all, one day unconditionally loved (by one fully committed man) for the sum of all her many, many parts.

  Did Candy succeed in attaining all that she desired? Who ever really does? And who is to say? Her personal struggle, against great odds, for identity, for fame, for love created an enduring legacy for which we should all be humbly grateful. Brave pioneers such as Candy make it easier for all of us—no matter who we are—to find and make our own paths in a world that does not easily tolerate anyone who asks, “Why? Why are things the way that they are? Why should we be defined or controlled by anyone or anything other than ourselves?”

  Of course, Candy said it best: “You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality.”

  James Rasin

  Director of Beautiful Darling: The Life and Times of Candy Darling, Andy Warhol Superstar

  October 2014

  New York City

  Candy Darling

  INTRODUCTION

  THIS IS THE VOICE of Candy Darling speaking, alive once again through her words, over 18 years since her death in 1974. Candy often confided in me as her friend that her writings were an integral part of her creative process, so during the course of the day, she committed her thoughts to a soft-covered notebook—the type used by schoolchildren—writing about such things as recipes (she was an awful but, nevertheless, hopeful cook), drafts of letters or ones she had completed but decided for one reason or another not to send, makeup tips, addresses, lists of her favorite performers such as Joan Bennett, Kim Novak, Yvonne DeCarlo and Lana Turner.

  Then, there are pages of speculation; words meant to be used as a rebuke or compliment, dialogue to be stored away for future use—perhaps for a play she was writing, jokes. The journal recorded her thoughts at that moment on that given day.

  She was born a he: James Lawrence Slattery, in November of 1944 to a mother who worked as a bookkeeper at Manhattan’s glamorous Jockey Club, and to a man who was a violent alcoholic who squandered family finances at the race track.

  There was a half-brother through his mother’s earlier marriage who would later, as an adult, deny Candy’s existence to his own children, and a grandfather once billed as the “strongest man in Boston.”

  With this cast of characters in mind, it could be safely said that her family—and even Candy herself, could have been created through the pen of her great mentor and champion Tennessee Williams; but instead, in the best American tradition, Candy Darling created herself with the help of television’s Million Dollar Movie.

  During the 1950’s Milli
on Dollar Movie with its haunting theme song from Gone With the Wind (the perfect dirge for a vanished Hollywood), entertained Jimmy who often played hooky in order to watch the same movie aired three times a day, seven days a week.

  Hollywood and its mystique fascinated him, and slowly transformed and transfigured the depressing reality of a lonely boy living a bleak existence in a small Cape Cod bungalow in Massapequa Park, Long Island.

  The frequency of Million Dollar Movie enabled Jimmy to carefully study the workings of his favorite performers; makeup and costumes, the nuances and style, the contrived plots and dialogue. It wasn’t long before he became a champion mimic … only he wasn’t doing male leads. His forte was the women and he could and would perform for anyone who would listen.

  But while the adults were amused by Jimmy doing Constance or Joan Bennett impersonations, his contemporaries were not, and soon Jimmy was looked upon as a bizarre sort of local pariah. Yet this wasn’t unusual for a child who had been judged as the most beautiful female baby for Gertz Department Store. From the very beginning of his life, Jimmy Slattery was mistaken for a girl.

  His skin, so milky white, his brown eyes framed with thick eyelashes—there was just a way about Jimmy that could not be denied.

  However local parents did not want their children playing with him, and thus ostracized, this unusual child was left to his own means, content to live in a Technicolor Hollywood dream world writing letters to his cousin Kathy Michaud, in which they discussed earth-shattering issues such as Kim Novak’s fan club and Lana Turner’s secret romance. Photoplay and Modern Screen were their favorites.

  As time went by, with his divorced mother working at the local telephone company and his brother ensconced in the service, Jimmy had ample time to begin experimenting with his mother’s makeup and clothes. He loved to draw luxurious colored bubble baths while playing tangos and mambos on the stereo and acting out scenes from The Prodigal.

  Time passed, Jimmy matured and then came the day when his mother, alerted by a local snoop, confronted Jimmy with the shattering news that Jimmy was seen dressed “like a girl” at a local gay bar.

  Taking his mother by the hands, he gently asked her not to say a word, but to sit at the kitchen table and wait.

  Minutes passed. The mother, upset and full of questions, sat waiting, the sound of the kitchen clock ticking sounding so loud.

  Finally, Jimmy came out, transformed, as it were, into a beautiful young woman.

  Candy Darling was born.

  “I knew then,” her mother would tell me, “that I couldn’t stop Jimmy. He was just too beautiful and talented.”

  The works published are taken from Candy Darling’s journals of 1970, 1971, 1972. These were busy times for her … she made two films for Andy Warhol: Flesh and Women in Revolt; two feature films in Europe for German director Werner Schroeter, as well as two American features: Brand X and Some of My Best Friends Are … Even though over 18 years passed, recently at a retrospective of Warhol films at the Whitney, I was delighted to hear the audience respond to Candy’s antics with delight and laughter. Candy never knew how many people would miss her—how many friends she had and would have had if she had lived.

  I miss my friend. But she lives again through her words.

  Jeremiah Newton

  September 18, 1991

  New York, N.Y.

  Editor’s Note

  In Candy’s journals are references to the following people: Sandy Amerling (her first agent); Kathy Michaud (Candy’s cousin who shared her interest in film); Jackie Curtis (who wrote his first play as a teenager that Candy starred in called Glamour, Glory and Gold while on the Long Island Railroad en route to Massapequa Park, Long Island, to visit Candy); Holly Woodlawn, co-star of Flesh and Women In Revolt (with Jackie Curtis); Ron Link, the man who “discovered” Candy; Bob Heide, a playwright and friend who worked at the Cafe Cino; Tony Mansfield, Jane’s “baby brother” and first disk-jockey in New York City; Warren and Maryann, her brother and sister-in-law; Bill King, the late photographer; Pat Thorne, a friend in London; Ron Delsener, the producer; George Abagnalo, screen writer of Warhol’s Bad and Candy’s “social secretary”; Taffy Titz, one of Candy’s cronies; and Jim Hanafy, a friend.

  Idiosyncrasies in the original spellings have been retained throughout.

  J. N.

  CANDY DARLING

  Your voice will thrill a nation

  You’d be terrific at RKO

  Jane Russell would have to go.

  A grief shared is half a grief

  A joy shared is twice a joy

  One hopes that Carroll Baker is being well payed.

  Barbara Stanwyck just gambled her whole place away to Ray Milland.

  I try to get what I want whenever its possible.

  I have always found that socially unacceptable people make the best lovers because they are more sensitive. Sandy spoke to me on the phone today and suggested a sex change.

  TRICKY MOTHER NATURE

  I can be happy and fullfilled I will never doubt it. I can not afford to. Each thought Each movement tuned to some great moving force.

  They don’t show love anymore in movies just sex and violence. A man and a woman are no longer idealized in pictures but they are shown as if a couple of dogs in heat.

  What is it you wish?

  I desire believing.

  Dear Kathy,

  I was glad to hear from you. I was in Toronto, Canada, on a publicity tour with Andy. It was so exciting. Did you see my picture in Photoplay? What? You didn’t know? Yes my dear your famous cousin has finally made page 5 of the January issue of our old bible. Remember how we used to pour over them fan magazines? Drooling over Liz and Kim—hating Debbie. Well now they can drool over me cause I’m famous and I’m beautiful! (In my 82 lbs. of makeup.)

  I am so pissed. My manager called me tonight told me about this new show “Applause.” It’s a musical version of “All About Eve” and it stars Lauren Bacall. Now my manager handles an actor named Tas Pengley. He’s very handsome like Gregory Peck but he’s a real conceited punk. He has an attitude like Laurence Harvey asking me personal questions and acting so superior and snotty. Well he has tickets for opening night. He was going to take Sandy but she can’t go so she asked him to take me because its a very Big opening. Now this fuck won’t because he’s too afraid of his image to be seen in public with me. He’s afraid of being read for being a fag—well I can get very evil. I’ll just tell every one he’s a fag. I can get very Joan Crawford about the whole thing. Any way I shouldn’t be acting like this.

  Another frig in my life. My date for New Year’s Eve. Jim Hanafy. Get a load of this. New Year’s Eve I went out with Jim, Geraldine and Leonard. When we were in the building where I live with my manager Sandy we asked the doorman to get us a cab. Now I can’t tell him to give the doorman a tip can I? He never sees that doorman but I’m always making him get me cabs. So I gave Jim a dollar to give to the doorman cause he’s the man. Well when we got in the cab he still didn’t give the doorman the cab he stuffed it in his pocket. I said give me that dollar and rolled down in window and gave it to the doorman. I just got over a terrific cold. I got it when we went to Canada. I think it was pneumonia or pleurisy because I was taking everything and couldn’t get rid of it. You see I went up to the frozen north in a micro-mini and a monkey fur jacket. Oh, and my other coat was a plastic trench coat. Bought one of those wet look coats it was $70. I hate it. When it’s warm out the coat is warm when it’s cold out the coat is cold. The monkey coat is glamourous but not warm. A friend of mine (Andrea Feldman) killed herself and she had a new black mink coat. I would like to buy it from the mother but I don’t know her. I found this great makeup for the lips. Max Factor’s “Germinesse” tawny tint and with it Max Factor’s lip gloss in the compact but you need a lip brush.

  Looper $2.98

  Box 1328

  FDR Station

  New York, N.Y. 10022

  As Life is action in passion

/>   June Haver

  “The Daughter of Rosie O’Grady”

  Well thanks for the punch in the nose I’d like to give it right back to you but I don’t think you could take it.

  men of prayer

  The Hydrophobia Hop is a dance where your dogs go wild.

  He’s got a lot of polish he sells it after the show.

  Stage Struck Suzie

  Miss Ted Marks

  Frances Lee

  Astrology in the Aquarian Age

  the new practitioner

  Always be good and care for others.

  8 W. 62nd St.

  1) Call Ronald to move your things.

  2) Get pattern & material

  3) Call Gail

  504-523-0881 Channel 26 only underground radio station 100’s of 1000’s of kids listen to it and it will bring in another 15 thousand.

  Dr. Berger 10 a.m.

  I must do whatever furthers my career, I must take the steps necessary to further my ability to function on the highest level I can operate on. I operate better as a woman.

  New book by Jackie Curtis “101 Tips on How to Look Cheap & Common.”

  pray for God’s guidance.

  10 a.m. Dr. Berger

  The children always referred to me as Marilyn Monroe or Greta Garbo.

  Le Club E. 55

  212 EL 5-5520

  6:30

  gut crunching

  Oh Kathy dig this. I was in Max’s Kansas City (the chic hang out for the jet set of the world) earlier. This girl I know came in and told me she found a diamond bracelet in Le Club before she came to Max’s. She gave it to the owner and I when I heard this ran right to the phone and called “Le Club” and informed them that I left my diamond bracelet there. I grabbed Burt but by the time we got there the fuckin place was closed.

  This is how I look now

  Heather rouge from 5 & 10

  Revlon natural wonder

  lid shadows

  cornflake brown enough